Words Matter

Whew..It has been a hot minute since I wrote anything for here! Sorry about that - but life has a way of sidetracking good intentions! But we're still here and I came across something that I think is worth talking about. It was an article that popped up in my memories today about trainers/instructors saying cruel and hurtful things to their students at horse shows. And while I was thinking about that - I was also musing on the opposite side of that coin about trainers who are disengaged with their students at horse shows leaving them flailing. Let's look at the first one. I have been to many a show where I have heard trainers say things like "we didn't come all this way for you to ride like that" or "spend all this money for you to blow it" etc. I have had more than my fair share of students come to me that had PTSD from trainers like that. And while I want my students to be successful, I'm also very aware that in our sport the other half of the equation has a mind of it's own and sometimes it is just not the day. A perfect example was a former student of mine was at the Western Dressage World show this past year, in her first rail class her horse broke and then on the reverse he bucked. I was watching via live stream and saw it on her face, I knew she was frustrated and disappointed. I immediately sent her a text and told her to let it go, there was more rides left and she could only go up from there ( we have a few inside jokes about sucking thanks to her first horse who could be a very tough ride but made her a great rider) She blew it off and came back and won her next class. At the end of the week she video called me and told me what I had texted her was the reminder she needed to come back better. As instructors it's our job to build confidence and building confidence includes learning how to deal with mistakes, failure and disappointment with grace. Let's face it, we don't always win. My kids all know my mantra - it's not about the ribbon it's about the ride. The idea is to build that partnership with your horse. But let's also look at the other side of this coin - the trainers who are there ( and probably getting paid to be there) that say a few words and then leave their riders to their own devices. Our job is to support, encourage and guide and if we're not watching we can't do any of that. As a judge I have stood in the middle of the arena and watched kids struggle with difficult horses and their trainer stand on the rail and say a few words then go back to their conversation until the horse blows up and they have no choice but acknowledge it. That's just one of many scenarios I have witnessed but you get the picture. As instructors, judges, 4H leaders and anyone else who guides our next generations of equestrians, remember words matter. We want to leave our sport in the hands of those who will continue to put in the hard work, encourage each other, and cheer from the rail with positive words not ones that hurt. To the instructors out there that are teaching their kids to win and lose with grace, may you have a million happy hugs from your kiddos! To those who would rather tear down and berate, may you have the annoying pebble in your boot until you figure it out. And to all of our friends out there - may your trail be easy, the weather perfect and your equine partner never lose a shoe! Happy Riding!